Now I desperately positively missing you

June 17th 2009

I dun really know what to say. Everytime I called ur dad.. I felt like i can't breath. Seriously it was kinda stucked in my throat, my dear. We actually could go back by the 10th day of the operation, but there were some miscommunication between us and the people in SKO. We were hoping we could go back at that time, we had already change the flight tickets, that day just wasn't happen as I hoped..

I'm sorry sweetheart, i've done as best as I could. I even couldn't stand and yelled to the people in SKO just because they didn't manage to handle the boat and chopper arrangement, which we had missed that day.. Urgh.. I'm so much in stress right now.. I wished u and ur daddy were here.. Uhuhu

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3rd e-letter while onboard

Saturday, June 13, 2009

2300 hrs

Salam my dearest princess,

How’s your day today? Have you encountered any fun and enjoyable event? Indeed I have spoken to your dad that he and you had spending day with nanny to a wedding. It was very good for you went out and have blessed day, which at once you be more fortunate to have people loved you around.

Mummy had a very fine day indeed with the very impressive progression by the crew of PGS. We have completed line no 6 and will be shooting the line no 7 as soon as they have made the turn, which will take 3-4 hours. I pray everyday hoping the operation would turn out good and well hence I could go home earlier and see you and daddy. Today I have not had my breakfast as I did pump my milk as usual since I woke up late I missed my breakfast. By the way, as the courtesy of the chef, I had a chance to take a cereal for breakfast.

As usual, very dull and quite boring for me without you around, I had chitchat with the gentlemen and surprisingly they are all from various countries. I rather thought they are Norwegian or British, as the company is wholly owned by UK and Norway Company. But I thought wrong there are some fellows from Thailand, Canada, Scotland and I understand the mechanic crew has been hired from Philippines. With the great pleasure heard a lot of stories from them when they have talked about their family, their wives, kids, experiences in seismic acquisition, and their passion in their job. As one of Canadian fellow, as he saw a picture of you in my Macbook, was telling me he is missing his son as well however it’s pretty hard for him since his son taken care by his mom. With some circumstances, they hardly meet. Poor fellow.. and this is where I think I am real blessed to have you both, ur dad and you yourself my dear.

My love Sophie

Right now right at this moment, they already have stop shooting and wait to shoot again not after they have completed turning. I am actually waiting to make a call to your dad and I’m quite sleepy waiting to go to bed but not until I make a love letter to you. J I must go now my dear child. I’ll write to you soon. I miss you so much. Kisses..

2nd e-letter for Sophie

Thursday, 11 June 2009

Dear my little princess Sophie,

Today has been 5 days since I left you with daddy and granny. I am so much in good health yet still thinking of you everyday. Considerable undoubtedly, I think I can’t live without you two, you my darling and your daddy. Indeed I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breathe and hardly can eat, even the foods were not as delightful as in on shore, you can’t even tell. It has given me such unpleasant feeling whatever I should do made me more suffer of leaving you at home. I am terribly sorry. I am still thinking. Am I a bad mother, the cruelest ever in this world? What on earth can a mother could ever abandon her child for quite sometime when she needed her most? I sworn to myself, if anything bad happen to you, I would pin myself down for whatever reason, I shall have not be forgiven.

My darling,

Every time I was in my cabin made me cold and boring, discouraged me myself from being motivate to do my job. These feeling inside has been ruled me, instead of being independent I am now inadequate. What I worried most is you, have you eaten enough foods, have you had enough sleep, have you ever miss me? I am so deeply thought about it and made me anxious. First thing in the morning I must go to the phone and called your dad of asking about you. How have you been doing without me, which your dad mentioned you’re progressively adapting your routine without me. What should I say this? I was relieved when after gave some hard time to your dad and granny, at least you have had been strong and independent. But after sometime I was thinking that have you had forgotten me already? I know this is the ruthless thought but I can’t help it. Because you know how much I love and I miss you as much as I do for your dad. You both are my life, my home and my destiny. Without you both I am nothing and worthless.

My sweetheart,

There is no intention for me to left you alone but the condition of my job has made me do this, very impossible to just ignore it. I wont be long, as soon as this operation completed, I’ll be home in no time. I would be chasing the flight ticket to get home and be with you and your dad, hope you’ll be waiting for me then. In the meanwhile, I just want you to know that I miss you so much. I love you.

Lots of love for you and your daddy

MOMMY

1st e-letter for my lil' princess

Dear my little princess,

Today is the 2^nd day I’m away from you. I know this is hard.. very hard for me and for you too. You can’t ever imagine what I felt and I acted. The whole was tied up for benefit on learning to be absent from you as you could learn to be more independent when I’m gone. I know I’m going to miss you, hence I miss you so much right now, that I miss your desire to learn a new thing, observing people and new words, I miss your cunning tricks and a great deal of noise when you were mumbling in German.. hehehe..

Last night you’ve been giving a hard time to daddy, grandpa, grandma and your aunt Noi. Which I supposed this would be harder as I think you might be not needed me around and learned to sleep without me. I feel sorry and please do not get me wrong on this. Please do not think that I was to be rather cold-hearted and rather selfish to left you alone with daddy, since you know… he is capable to take care of you. He’s fantastic; please do help him as you’re helping me before. I know you’re good girl, with as much kindness as you could. I know ur daddy done a very good job.

How differently did every thing now appear in which I was concerned! I was expecting a phone call from your dad this morning in telling me that everything was all right. However after some time, I thought differently and called him and the moment I listened to his voice I know something must be wrong. I’m now stuck in Bintulu while waiting to be on board tomorrow and you know it willl take some time. My dear child, I won’t be able to hug and kisses you as always, I wont be able to put you in my arm, but I hope you know that I always love you.. always…

 

SAD, CONFUSED - the challenge begun

One fine day… 

“the meeting was great, they have decided to send few people on board. 1 people from acquisition and probably 1 people from PMU. They have asked if we are going to send our people, boss”

“Yes, I’ve told them, that you’re going” Gulp!!

“oo but I need to renew my BOSET. It has been expired a while ago”

“It’s ok. Get it done by next week” double gulp!!!!

“ok wil do boss”

So bermula la hari yg kelam kabut bg diriku, mixed feelings, and terrified on leaving my little ones even it would only take about 1 week. But, how I ever say ‘NO’ to my boss since it was only 1 month I’ve been moving in to this dept? Furthermore, flexibility is crucial in the ‘world of geoscientist’. Hmmm….

Day by day, it was beyond words. I really did not know how to describe my feeling was. It’s my first time to leave Sophie for few days and I know I’m going to miss my other half. Dugaan.. plus, I was still breastfeeding her and she’s really attached with me especially during nite sleep. How does she ever sleep without me??

Tik tok tik tok.. I was getting nervous. I have settled on having my parents looking after Sophie while I’m gone and I have settled on packing stuffs especially my breast pump. I was promised to myself that I’m going to continue pumping even I know this is going to be end of my effort on the possession of breastfeeding my baby. Sighhhh…

HK Pix - Day 3 & 4

HK pix - day 2